I’ve been really bad at posting my blogs on Tumblr. I’ve stuck to wordpress a whole lot lately. But I also want to share these things on here, because I feel a sense of community on Tumblr. I may not have connections here, I don’t even talk to anyone here. But I’m always hoping I can cross paths with people of similar interests and journeys. Sometimes I take the internet for granted. Well here is my latest blog on music and December Sun.
Less than two weeks until the release of the Adventure EP. The reality of it all truly dawned on me a bit over a week ago. Through all of my excitement, some negative emotions surfaced that I wish didn’t make their way. I know, it doesn’t seem like a big deal. I’m only releasing four songs as an independent artist. And to some these songs may not even seem that great, I may not seem like a great musician to some either. But through this debut, I feel in my core and believe with everything in me that this will soon bloom to be something greater than I can imagine. That’s why I’m chasing this. That’s why I make phone calls and knock on doors to book a venue. That’s why I get up every morning with December Sun drilled in my brain as my drive each day. It just truly amazes me how I even got near this point. Two years ago, it was in my wildest dreams to even write a ‘good’ song, to play in a band, to record my own music, to do all these fancy CD packaging and photo shoots. Yeah, I aimed for it, and dreamed about it all the time. But I always had so much doubt in myself, I kind of thought that if I were to ever do anything with music, it would be out of stupidity and that it would fall through. Now a year ago, when I was writing these songs, I never thought I would be sitting here blogging about an EP that I poured my heart and soul into. And that it would shortly be available for everyone to hear. I didn’t actually believe that this small collection of songs would come to a completion. And it did. It absolutely blows my mind. Someone that had no knowledge of music, yet longed through out all of childhood to someday create an art to be joyful about. Ever since I was introduced to the world of rock music when I was thirteen, I fantasized about being on stage all the time. I would never admit this fantasy to anyone. I do remember one day letting out all of my frustration with my mother about school. About how much it pissed me off. And how I wish I was born into a different life. A life of someone who was born and raised into music, destined to be on stage. But no, not me. I have no talent, no connections, no money. All that was a huge lie. I soon came to realize that life gives us more of a broad option than what we think. Yes, we were created for great glorious things. Destined to collect treasures that will forever be with us even after we die. But, we tend to have identity issues through out life. Trying to figure out who we are supposed to be, some of us don’t even find out. Maybe we’re not supposed to question that, maybe that cliche saying “you can be whoever you want to be” is the blunt truth. I stopped asking myself who I wanted to be, and started telling myself who I actually am and who I will become. And started mapping out the journey of getting there.
With all these realizations coming to mind, I’m just shocked at the kid I was three years ago to the kid I am now. I just sit in awe saying “holy shit, I actually did something, and it’s not stopping here”. I came so close to allowing society tell me who I was supposed to be. I came so close to going off to a huge university for a piece of paper that didn’t guarantee me a job, even if it did who knows if it would be something I would have enjoyed doing. I’m so glad I was able to part away from the standard of today’s world.
Well, like I said, it might not seem like this EP release is a huge deal. I mean come on, I’m just a tiny speck in the music industry. There are thousands of bands out there probably on the same level as me hungering for the same thing. But that’s okay. I’ve taken steps I thought I would have never taken. And I’ll continue to take steps.